SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I fill condoms, not promises.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
