true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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