i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
