So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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