I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize