After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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