So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize