Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
