I got chris browned last night
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
