And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize