I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
