I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
