So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Randomize
