the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I have fence marks all over my body
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
