I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
