even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
