i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
