I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Bring me that man meat
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
