Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
