Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
