If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
