I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
