He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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