The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
