You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
