I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I will pee on everything he values.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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