HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
