I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
