the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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