Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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