I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
