you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If its not for food we ain't going out.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
