Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
