you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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