Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
