I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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