What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
