i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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