Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize