Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
