Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
