fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You're a waste of cheezeits
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
