I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
