theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
