I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
