1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
