Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
