fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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