you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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