I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
