my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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