so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
