So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We need to get me chipped asap
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize