saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
