I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
