Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
