I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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