we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
