she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
