I will die if light touches me.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize