Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
