$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
That accounts for only three of the penises
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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