SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
