Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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