She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The power of my boobs compel you
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
