"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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