I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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