it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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