New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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